Thought Starters

QOTW 2013: Week 10: Do you think your advice will make things better?

Hey, big boy, how hard is it to keep your cool?

A little while ago I had a moment where I was upset with a friend for stepping into a personal issue I was having. I won’t regale you with the gory details. Suffice it to say that my anger boiled over because I don’t like to be told what to do. I never react negatively to criticism or direction in a business environment so this was a rare occasion for me.

The issue was exacerbated by my friend (who was actually trying to help) when suggesting that I approach the issue in a particular way.

I don’t know about you but when dealing with a personal issue I really don’t like unsolicited advice. If I ask for it, sure, bring it!

Otherwise, no thank you!

My reaction, in the moment, was not one of my finest. Afterward, I actually felt I deserved an apology from my friend for sticking their nose into my business.

Nice, huh?

At any rate, I came to my senses and took responsibility for the entire incident. It was my fault after all. If I hadn’t reacted the way I did no one would have been affected.

After a few weeks, I apologized. Yep, a few weeks.

It was hard to suck it up. My ego was really battling me for control but I beat that sucker down. In the famous words of you QOTW guest, “I think you better quit talkin’ that bull….”

What did I learn?

I learned that even though I know what to do common sense doesn’t always prevail. In my work life I know better. The design world is fraught with opposing opinions and ego driven decisions. As a team member, regardless of my position, I have always been cool, been able to think before reacting and removed myself from a confrontation if I didn’t think I could handle the heat. This situation was no worse than anything I have dealt with in business. It was perplexing.

I truly felt bad that I let my ego get in between me and a close friend.

It did work out though.

My friend feels better that I came clean and I do as well. One less bag to carry. The way airlines are charging for luggage these days it’s a good thing I jettisoned that one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, we are still friends, of course. Whew!

That brings us to today’s quote.

Whatever happened to Fred Durst? It’s more like, what happened to me? Have I passed the alt rock phase of my life? Naaaaa, but as far as I know he’s still got it. Don’t 1.5mil followers on twitter mean something? Huh? Who knows but the 4 people he follows surely must feel special though. I was never cool enough to know what a LimpBizkit was anyway. Or maybe I didn’t care. I did love the music and maybe it has had its day? I can only imagine the humbling nature of the rise and fall of popularity. In response to an interview last year about his band, Fred said, “We were a moment in time and it’s over.”  Somehow, that comment and the following quote seemed fitting this week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If that doesn’t brighten your day then maybe this will.

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”

Have a great Monday and an awesome week.

If you want to read last week’s quote simply click here.

Cheers!

 

 

 

 

 

About this Author: Ralph Dopping (197 Posts)

A quirky sense-o-humour coupled with an indelible sense of stylish sarcasm makes it difficult to take the world too seriously doesn't it? My faves: fun, passion and hard work. I work here everyday: www.designdialog.ca


18 comments
barrettrossie
barrettrossie

You know, you should post more often. Just my advice. 

 

 

 

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(ducking!) 

bdorman264
bdorman264

And we can tell, you are the sensitive one on things like that...:).

 

I am very, very good at listening to advice. I am also very, very good not doing anything about it...and that's the truth. 

 

It's a fine line when to stick your nose in and if it will even make a difference. Opinions are like as.....er, uh noses, we all have one, right? 

barrettrossie
barrettrossie

I JUST DID hear that Zen hot dog joke within the last couple weeks. Fantastic! 

 

This problem you shared with us — I the same problem. But it's usually people in my family telling each other what they "really ought to be doing." 

BetsyKCross
BetsyKCross

I love situations like the one with your friend where you find out that you are still soft clay, not hardened, inflexible and incapable of being molded into your best self! It's a sad day when we stop learning. It's also very freeing to know that tomorrow and the day after that will hold even more opportunities for us to be tested!

Mark_Harai
Mark_Harai

Hi Ralph,

 

It can be a life-changing event to simply esteem the thoughts and feelings of others above your own.

 

One sucks the life out of the room, while the other provides fresh air for others to breathe.

 

So many folks get buried carrying all of their baggage around. It gets heavier each day they're above ground until their flame has completely burnt out.

 

And they share that baggage with anyone who'll give an ear to the suck of life. It brings them some relief of carrying that garbage all by themselves.

 

It's amazing how many folks willing throw away a perfect opportunity to be a decent human-being.

 

And all the while they blame others for their predicament.

 

Kudos to you for taking necessary steps to be awesome and fly above the smog-filled air.

 

 

KDillabough
KDillabough

Kudos to you for dropping the baggage. I liken your story to the question: do you want to be right or do you want the problem solved? When we need to be right and the other person needs to be wrong, there's really no winning. Love the quote "Make me one with everything". Makes me smile:) Cheers! Kaarina

gingerconsult
gingerconsult

Ego always trips us up. I'm glad you that you took accountability - so many have lost this fine art it seems.

rdopping
rdopping moderator

@barrettrossie Hahahahahaha.....yes. I should. In FLA right now with less than stellar interwebz access and a laptop that's so old it's useless. I need to learn to write and post on a smartphone. The downside is I get to meet @bdorman265 on Tuesday.

rdopping
rdopping moderator

@bdorman264 or like ears. We all have more than one.....unless you fight Mike Tyson.

rdopping
rdopping moderator

 @barrettrossie I absolutely despise peeing on someone's cornflakes. You really ought to not be listening to those people ESPECIALLY if they know better and they don't mind telling you about it. Harumph.......

rdopping
rdopping moderator

@Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing Yep, Jayme. I am, unfortunately, a bit of a hit read occasionally. The good thing is it takes a lot to get me there and it is extremely rare these days. Thanks for coming by to share your thoughts. Much appreciated. Have an awesome day lady.

rdopping
rdopping moderator

@BetsyKCross Betsy, I really love the clay analogy. It's great! Yes, very valuable lesson learned here. I have a monthly meeting with my team at work where we discuss lessons learned, eat pizza and enjoy each others company. Why not apply the same edict to my own life. No regrets, just lessons learned is our motto. Cheers and thanks for your insight here.

rdopping
rdopping moderator

@Mark_Harai Wow, Mark! How poetic. You do have a way with words. Agreed on all points. It'hard to admit I'm wrong at times but that's growth, isn't it? Thanks so much for your words. Moocho appreciado! :-)

rdopping
rdopping moderator

@KDillabough Hi Kaarina. You know, I love looking for the jokes on a Monday morning. I quite thaw posts as my first activity each week. It's very cathartic. No one wins if no one takes the first step and this was a pick your battles moment. It wasn't worth holding on to just to be right. Cheers and thanks for stopping by here.

rdopping
rdopping moderator

@gingerconsult Well, as hard as it was I figured it's the right thing to do. After all, doesn't everyone say it gets easier the more you do it. Practice makes perfect and all that? :-)

AlaskaChickBlog
AlaskaChickBlog

 @rdopping  @gingerconsult I don't know if it gets easier... admitting we have done wrong is always hard. However, I am grateful that you shared this with us all, Ralph. What it all means is that you are a good man (that is my highest compliment to one of your flavor). I found myself in a situation a few months ago and shared it with the world as well. There were two reasons. First, I figured the "Lesson" would easier become part of me, if I told the world, I wouldn't EVER forget again. Second, I promised I wouldn't paint our lives a pretty in pink color, the real deal is what I promised.

If you would like to see what kinds of trouble I can stir up when left to my own devices, be my guest.

http://pioneeroutfitters.com/the-forgotten-rule-be-right/

rdopping
rdopping moderator

 @AlaskaChickBlog Oh, how can I pass that up? So true, though. It's not only the right thing to do, it makes everyone feel better. I hope, anyway.